Thailand Adventure part 3

We were back in Bangkok at about 7:30pm. After getting dropped off at Kao San road and bargaining a price with a Tuk Tuk driver, we were on our way to the train station. A Tuk Tuk by the way are the 3-wheeled trike taxis that bomb around Bangkok, weaving crazily through traffic and consistently try to rip off tourists. Luckily this was one place where my Thai came in handy, and when they heard me speak Thai they usually wouldn't rip us off.
At the train station we tried to get our tickets to Chiang Mai but much to our disappointment, all the sleeper class tickets were sold out for a few days. Memories suddenly flooded into my head of my 13 hour train ride in China without a seat. I would NOT go through with that again in any circumstance, but i also did not want to stay in Bangkok for a few days. While sitting around debating what to do, we found Craig sitting alone in the train station waiting for the same train we were trying to get on. What are the chances of that? He was here about an hour before us and got one of the last sleeper tickets. What a doosh. After much debate we decided to suck it up and book a ticket anyways. We ended up scoring the 2nd class air-conditioned car with two, very broken but better than the ground, seats.

The train ride turned out to be quite a crazy adventure. As we rolled out of the Bangkok station heading north, we met up with Craig and made our way to the restaurant car for dinner and some drinks. We ended up meeting a whole group of Germans and the beers kept coming. They even kept the car open just for us. But soon, the Thai staffs hospitality waned when they realized we could drink all night and weren't going to bed any time soon. So they kicked us out of the restaurant and closed the car for the night. Left to wander the cars with nowhere to continue our little party, we all somehow ended up in one of the bathroom cars. Out came another bottle of whiskey from the Germans and the night continued on, much to the annoyance of the rest of the train who were likely trying to sleep. We would meet lots of other Germans on our trip and i'll have to say they are quite the fun bunch of people. Especially when they get into the booze. So here we were, all crammed tightly into the washroom car, taking shots and discussing the differences between our countries late into the night. When finally enough people had come to complain and we decided we should probably head to bed. I stumbled back to my car, sat down in my chair and fell into a nice, whiskey induced sleep.



I woke up surrounded by thick, green jungle and beautiful mountains. There was a part between the cars which was open to the outside and I leaned out to take a look. The view almost immediately cured my hangover and I took a deep breath of some of the freshest air i've breathed. We were about an hour out of Chiang Mai already, what a great train ride.

Chiang Mai is a small city of about a million people in the hills of northern Thailand. It's surrounded by jungle and in close proximity to the many hill tribe villages that live in the mountains, who still try to maintain traditional ways of life. We took a Tuk Tuk through the main city to the hostel which I had picked out from my guidebook. Julies Guesthouse in Chiang Mai is definitely one of the coolest little places i've ever stayed and if anyone ever goes there I recommend it. The rooms were also 150 baht a night for a two bed private room. Which is about $4 Canadian. On the roof they have hammocks laid out and the downstairs common room is full of backpackers mingling. They even have a giant fridge they stock with beer and let everyone take whatever they want as long as they write down in a book what they took. That was the mood in Chiang Mai, laid back and friendly. The bar worked on the honour system for god sakes. This was a place that old hippies flocked to, and we met lots of them who had taken up permanent residence in the city. We explored the city a bit, but decided to take a day of rest before heading on any crazy adventures. At night we went to the Riverside bar and saw one of the best cover bands i've ever seen. Thai people know how to rock and roll like no ones business. Looking around the bar I noticed they were very different from Chinese people. The Thai are hipper and more stylish. They were more laid back and friendly than their distant cousins from the North. If I could describe Thai people i would say they are like Rastafarian Chinese. I heard Bob Marley and Chilli Peppers everywhere. They definitely had a better music taste than the endless Lady Gaga I hear in China.



The next day I rented myself a second bike. Scoot Scoot II. This red beauty came with helmets this time, but because i'm badass like that I decided against wearing it. But mostly because I saw children driving around on them without helmets. As you probably figured already, safety regulations are much more - whats the word i'm looking for.. non-existant.. in Asia. Like petting a 500-pound man-eating predator for example or driving 90 down a highway on a vehicle I had never driven before without a helmet. But, living in China the past 6 months I had grown used to the carelessness and come to embrace it. I myself had gotten a little better with driving the bike, but we were deciding if we were going to let Craig rent his own to follow us up the mountain we intended to drive up. We worried about our new adopted child, you know? I took him out on mine to show him the ropes and then gave him the keys and let him go off on his own for a bit. We were sitting eating breakfast when he came back covered in blood. He had bailed out on one of the busy streets and gone flying onto the sidewalk. We took the keys away and patched him up.
"Yea... theres no way i'm letting you get on a bike and try to drive up a mountain after that." I said to him. And we put him in a cab to follow us there.
We began our ascent up Mount Doi Suthep, about 20 minutes out of the city of Chiang Mai. The roads twist and turn sharply with perilous cliffs on the side of you. It was quite the ride and Vanessa was hanging on the back for her life as I twisted my way up the mountain. The view kept getting nicer as we made our way up. On top of the mountain, we visited a Buddhist Temple, had lunch and decided to go off on our own little hike through the jungle. As we made our way through the thick jungle we came across a bunch of caves where as we passed noticed some monks who had taken up residence in them. I tried to be quiet and respectful while passing them but much to my surprise they suddenly turned on some music and one started puffing on a cigarette. What was this? Were monks allowed to smoke cigarettes? Had we discovered renegade monks who escaped the monastery to live in caves? They did not speak a word of english but happily waved and smiled at us as we passed. It was a strange sight indeed. We headed back to the bike and made our way down back the mountain. I now wish I got a picture with smoking cave monk. Oh well.



On our last day in Chiang Mai, we signed up for one of the day trips. We jumped on a truck with about 6 other people and headed off about 2 hours out of the city. After one of the bumpiest rides of my life we got out at an elephant camp where we got to hang out with some elephants for a bit. I thoroughly enjoyed feeding them bananas for some reason. They would get all excited when you had them and follow you around until you gave them to them. Then they'd snatch them from you with their trunks and pop them in their mouth, peel and all. When it came to ride them I didn't really even want to. I just wanted to feed them more bananas. But the tour group had a schedule and moments later I was riding atop an elephant through the jungle. After the elephant ride we would have a three hour hike to a waterfall. And we pulled up the camp where we met our Thai guides, one of which was a dog, who ran through the jungle with tourists everyday and knew the route. We followed our canine guide through the dense jungle and eventually stopped at a little hill tribe village hut to have lunch. We ate some Pad Thai and then they gave us a bucket of rocks and slingshots to keep us busy for a little bit. Oh they knew me so well. After trying to peg a target for awhile the hike continued to the waterfall. And after a white-water raft trip back to the elephant camp, we got back in the truck and headed to visit one of the hill-tribe villages. The most famous one being the long-necked Karen tribe. Who you've probably seen in national geographic with all the rings on their necks. I had no idea they were in Thailand until then.

Just outside the Karen village there was a little monkey going crazy. He had a leash attached to him but he had gotten himself all wrapped around a bush. His owner was nowhere to be seen so I decided to help the little guy out and broke the branch, freeing him from his shackles.
This was a terrible mistake.
The monkey immediately jumped up and knocked someones drink out of their hand, which was a cold coffee drink. He then proceeded to drink the coffee and after that he was wired beyond belief. He went bananas.
Jumping off the bench at me, he grabbed onto my arm, climbed up and ripped off my necklace. I was pissed.
This monkey was going down.
I grabbed him and tried to pin him down on the ground but he jumped out again and started climbing up my leg. He started pulling my hair and I grabbed him again and tried to hold him still. Grabbing his little arms, flailing and punching me, I managed to throw him off me. At the time I was not very happy but thinking back I had just enacted one of my lifelong dreams. I had successfully had a duel with a monkey. Though he was far too nimble for me and I eventually gave up the battle. I still believe it was a tie.



After a long day of elephant feeding, hiking, white-water rafting and monkey battling we once again had to head back to Bangkok. When we got back to the train station we were informed that the train we were supposed to board had broken down and we would have to take a bus back. We weren't too happy about this but luckily the bus only took about 8 hours and we arrived back in Bangkok at about 5am monday morning. We checked into another of the thousand hostels near Kao San road and took a much needed day of rest.
We would be heading down south next, to the island of Koh Samet to spend the remaining days of our vacation in a tropical paradise.

Thailand Adventure part 2

I awoke to the sounds of the most annoying animal i've ever heard.
I thought the chinese bird outside my window or the man coughing up phlegm every morning was the worst, until I heard this thing. It would continue to pester me each morning in Kanchanaburi and regretfully I do not possess a firearm. Nature 1 Corey 0.
I stepped outside of our wooden hut to check out what was making this awful sound and was greeted by a wonderful little dog we afterwards nicknamed Buddha; Because he was wise beyond measure. It was then that I took notice of the 5 foot long lizard sitting on a rock beside our bungalow. Good start to a day so far.
We had our breakfast at our hostel on the terrace overlooking the lake. It was then that we met Craig from Vancouver. A 19 year old kid travelling through Thailand on his own and would later become me and Vanessa's adopted son. I left the two there and headed out into town to rent my motorbike.
At the rental place the man took my passport as a deposit and asked if I had ever driven one before.
"No, but i've ridden on the back of one in China many times." I said. This didn't seem to bother him in the slightest as he started up the engine and gave me a quick run down on the bikes controls. I left out the fact that I've crashed near every vehicle i've ever driven as well as have no balance whatsoever.
"Turn handle. Gas. Brake. Stay to the left. Go. Bye bye." He then quickly handed me the keys and sent me on my way.
I peeled out of the parking lot and wobbled my way slowly onto the street. I immediately regretted this decision. I was in ASIA for god sakes, with the craziest drivers in the world. Driving a vehicle with no experience, no insurance and no helmet. What the hell. You live once. I drove around town for a little bit to start to get the hang of driving, then headed back to the hostel before setting out.

Minutes later I was cruising the countryside, with the green mountains of Burma on my left and the jungles of Thailand on my right. It was a feeling of freedom hard to describe. After the first hour or so of driving my fear started to fade and I was becoming more confident on the bike. We even named the bike. Scoot Scoot.
Amazingly, I found my way there using the jumble of maps i'd picked up at the hostel and we finally pulled up to the Erawan 7-Step Waterfalls hiking trail entrance. On the way into the park I was surprised and shocked to bump into Ryan and Tyler; we had parted ways in Bangkok and I had no idea they would be there. It's weird how things like that happen and it wouldn't be the first time.



The Erawan waterfalls is about an hour hike up steep hills and rocks. There are seven tiers of the hike, each with an even better waterfall than the next until you reached the seventh. Which is the one the place is named after. As we made our way up the tiers I couldn't help to notice the abundance of fat old european men with incredibly attractive girlfriends. Oh how the hot ones cling to money. And i knew they were european because they were all wearing speedos. So. Many. Speedos. We made a game out of it. I probably saw at least 75 men hiking the trails or swimming in the waterfalls in speedos. All of which shouldn't, in ANY circumstance, ever consider wearing one in public. We were so distressed by the scenery in fact, we didn't even stick to the path at one point and went off on our own climbing up a waterfall. Doing so we didn't make it to the seventh waterfall before the park closed and had to go back the next day. After swimming in one of the pools and getting attacked by fish, a feeling I despised but everyone around me didn't seem to mind, we headed back down the trails. On the way down we came across a family of monkeys who laid claim to the steps leading down. I approached cautiously, as I was told the monkeys here sometimes attack people. The smaller ones moved away as I moved closer but the oldest and biggest one stood his ground, baring his teeth at me and staring me down.
If he could speak I was imagining him as Gandalf saying. "You shall not pass!"
I tried to find another way down the hill but they were all about a 20 foot drop. The stairs were the only way. It was do or die. Man or beast. As I was getting ready to challenge this primate to a duel over who may pass, a "Speedo" came by and threw a bag of peanuts at him. The monkey excitedly caught it and ripped the bag open, peanuts flying everywhere. Now was my chance! I quickly jolted around him and ran down the stairs.
Nature 1 Corey 1.

Back at the hostel we met up with Craig again and headed out for drinks for the night. After a random game of Jenga we found this bar sitting out on the street offering 10 baht shots. Which i believe is the equivalent of a few cents Canadian. We sat and met other backpackers from all over the world and enjoyed the end to a great day. Next, we would be heading to the Tiger temple.



The tiger temple in Thailand started out with one tiger cub. It's parents were killed by poachers and it was brought to a monastery near Kanchanaburi. After that many more tiger cubs were given to the temple to be raised by monks and the numbers quickly grew. It became a sanctuary for the declining numbers of tigers and eventually a tourist attraction, today, they have about 90 tigers. We were initially debating going or not because we had heard rumours of mistreatment and generally hated tourist traps, but when we got there we were proven wrong. All the tourist activities there are not intrusive. You are only allowed to help with or be part of natural daily activities such as walking them, exercises, feeding and playing. The part where you can take pictures with the bigger ones is during a point in the day where they generally nap. In half the pictures I have with the big guys they are asleep. But nevertheless, as I crouched down beside this 500 pound animal and pat him on the head, I couldn't help to be just a little scared knowing it could end my life instantly.
After escorting one of the big tigers on their walk to their resting area, we headed up a hill and through a random herd of water buffalo to the cub pen. We had payed a little extra to be part of the feeding. Luckily there were only about 3 other people with us and we had the little guys all to ourselves. There were 9 cubs, from only few weeks old to about a month. When we got there most of them were sleeping but they soon woke up for play time and were running all around us. Or trying to, the newborns could barely walk. I was playing with one of the younger ones when I noticed out of the corner of my eye one of the older cubs stalking around a corner. Next thing I knew he was charging at me full speed and pounced on my back, digging his new teeth into my side. He may have only been a month old but he had new teeth and was eager to use them. I was bleeding through my shirt as I chased him down and picked him up. "No mauling!" I said to him. Little bastard. Nature 2 Corey 1. But yes, now I can truthfully say I have tiger mauling wounds. It was such an amazing opportunity to be so close to these endangered animals. I can't think of too many places in Canada i'd get the chance to do that. After a quick feeding we said our goodbyes and headed home. It was one of my favourite memories from Thailand.

On the way home, just to add some more excitement to the day, I pulled sharply around a corner in town, lost control and rammed the bike into a bench. I flew off the side and scraped myself up bad on the sidewalk. Good job Corey. Almost two days without crashing and it had to happen at the end. Luckily, Scoot Scoot was okay but I ended up having to pay for the bench that I destroyed. I left it there but I'll have you know i'm the proud owner of the nicest, slightly broken, hand-made bench in town.

The next day we left Kanchanaburi, said goodbye to Craig and boarded another minivan for Bangkok. We would be taking a 13 hour overnight train up to the northern province of Chiang Mai. Where there was thick jungles and the southern tip of the Himalayas. As the bus pulled away I knew I would miss this little town, the waterfalls, the monkeys and tigers.
But I was looking forward to the next part of the trip.

Thailand Adventure part 1

It began like most of my adventures have;
Me running full speed through an airport because I miscalculated something or got lost somewhere. Out of breath, I finally made it to my boarding area to find the flight was delayed. Big surprise. Every single flight I have taken in China so far has been delayed. I got in the long line of asians and waited excitedly. I was finally going to Thailand. The months of waiting had finally passed. I was getting out of this dirty, cold city for one of the most beautiful countries in the world.
After a quick layover in Guangzhou, I finally landed at the Bangkok airport at about 11:30pm and waited around for an hour to see if i'd catch my friends landing. Ryan and Tyler (2 teachers from the Xudong branch) were supposed to be arriving around the same time as me. Almost immediately I noticed the amount of english everywhere. The Thai people were all so friendly and helpful. The language I had attempted to pick up became almost pointless as everyone there spoke english. The moment I stepped outside someone came up to me and asked me where I was going, translated for a taxi driver and escorted me there. This wasn't like China at all.
I made my way through Bangkok, past huge highways, toll booths and shopping malls, juxtaposed with hundreds of temples and massive pictures of the King on every corner. Yellow. Everywhere. It was a shock to my senses after the grey of China. I've never seen so much yellow in my life. As well as elephant statues. Thailand has revered elephants for many centuries as well as being part of their national symbol.
Driving through the very small back streets, I arrived at the area around Kao San road; The main spot for tourists and backpackers from all over the world. As I was pulling up to my hostel I didn't feel like I was in asia anymore. Hundreds of foreigners all sat at outside bars and restaurants. 7/11's on every corner. I would come to know this area well. I checked into the Wild Orchid Villa in my double room. Vanessa, My friend and travel buddy from Ottawa was supposed to have arrived that night, but her flight was delayed and she was stuck in Tokyo. So I was all alone in this strange new place, but after a long day of travel I passed out quickly.



The next day I stepped outside to the heat and blue skies. Suck it China.
Randomly, I finally bumped into some of the other teachers and we all set out for the day. Bangkok is situated on two sides of a river and a ferry taxi can take you to most of the main spots in the city. It was great travelling around Bangkok by boat and it offered scenic views of the various temples along the river. Me and another teacher boarded the boat and some lady started yelling at me. She pointed to a sign saying "space for monks." and I was standing directly under it. Great. I've only been here a few hours and i've already disrespected the culture.
In Thailand, Monks play a big part in society. Everybody is encouraged to become a monk for a few years of their lives. They must be silent, dress in a giant orange robe and shave their heads for the duration of there monkhood. Everywhere I went in Thailand there were monks and it was a strange sight seeing them in loud, bustling Bangkok. It's not a very serene city to say the least.



I visited my first temple compound, replete with giant conicle spires and the biggest Buddha statue i've ever seen in my life. There were also a lot of rules for being on temple grounds. You weren't allowed to wear shoes or shorts and women had to cover their shoulders. All out of respect for the city monks. The temples were tourist attractions, but they are still used daily by the hundreds of monks in the city. I respected the culture accordingly, and asked Buddha to not let me die a tragic death on my vacation. Why not.
As the day winded down I came to learn the other side of Bangkok. The nightlife. As I drunkenly staggered through Kao San at night, there was music and alcohol as far as the eye could see. The beer was also %6.4. Which after drinking the sad excuse the chinese call beer for so long, hit me like a truck. My third night in Bangkok I vaguely remember meeting some Thai people, downing some scotch and ending up at a gigantic club. It was shortly after that I realized there were absolutely no women in this club. Except for Vanessa, who had finally arrived, I wondered why it was the biggest sausage fest in all of Asia. Oh yes. I finally realized, I was at a gay club. Awesome.
I layed off the booze for awhile after that. We needed to get out of Bangkok asap. I packed my bags and we booked our bus ticket to Kanchanaburi, where we'd spend the next leg of the vacation.

We took a 4 hour mini bus out of Bangkok and, after passing out from our hangovers, we woke up in a much different scene than we came from.
Kanchanaburi is a quiet little town with a small foreign area for tourists and backpackers. It would become one of my favourite places on the trip.
The driver dropped us off in the middle of the town, and we somehow had to find our way to wherever this backpacker area was. Hoping my lonely planet guide book was up to date, we made our way to Sams place which was a hostel one of the other teachers had recommended. As we strolled through town, I immediately fell in love with this cozy little place. It had a small town feel to it and the main tourist street was lined with small westerner bars, restaurants and live music. Most of the town is right by the river and across that miles of jungle and the mountains of Burma. At Sams place, we checked into our little wooden bungalow that was actually on a platform over the riverbank and I talked with the owner a bit about my itinerary. I planned on renting a motorcycle and driving two hours into the countryside to the Erawan waterfalls. Let me add that I've never ridden one in my entire life. Add the fact that in Thailand they drive on the left side of the road. I also get lost quite often. But I decided that on this vacation I wasn't going to go with any tour groups or take guides, I was going to do things my own way. Which required a lot more planning and left lots of room for disaster. Which the bruises on my body would now tell you.

The halfway point!

Good evening wei guo rens! or good day...

A little delayed I know but Happy New year to friends and family. Chinese New year isn't until february 3rd so I will exempt myself from such delayed accusations. I've been here 5 months now i can say i'm at least part Chinese.
I'm here now at the halfway point of the school year as well as my time here and I'll have to say, China has been everything i'd imagined as well as nothing i could've conceived. I can only write about my thoughts and feelings about this place but you really can only fully grasp it by being here. Even then, so much of China is 50/50 that you can never quite pinpoint what it is. For every thing I admire about China, another thing opposes it into almost redundancy. For example, they seem to be uptight about saving energy. They have heaters in the classrooms and buildings but almost never turn them on. I teach my classes in my winter jacket, breath visible from the cold and my hands shaking as they write on the chalkboard. Most restaurants are practically outside. The buildings have no insulation or central heating, they are just concrete slabs. Now coming from Canada, this has been completely backwards to me. We are a culture that is quite prepared and adjusted to the cold, but Wuhan has no idea what to do when the snow comes. I see people outside walking around with umbrellas when its snowing and I can't help but laugh. When i've asked why they don't shut the windows or doors and turn the heaters on they have told me that it would waste power. Also, they believe that if they shut all the windows in a building they will die of not having enough fresh air.
Now heres the redundant part. There is no fresh air in Wuhan! You can barely see across the river on a clear day, through the grey blanket that covers the city. This is also the reason it always feels colder or hotter than it actually is. The sun cannot penetrate the pollution cloud very well. I've noticed it only gets lighter in the morning around 8 or so because it takes the sun awhile longer for its light to penetrate the hazy Chinese horizon. And on the wasting electricity part, they seem to turn there heads when it comes to advertisement or aesthetic. Forget comfort of human beings. Like I noticed back in my first day here the Chinese light up everything. They put huge neon signs on everything the eye can see, advertisements and eye candy glittering 24/7. Even the ancient pagoda in the centre of the city, Yellow Crane Tower, hasn't escaped this fate. At night it's lit by thousands of bright yellow lights.
They pride themselves on proper parenting, they say us from the west are too soft on our children. So they put them through almost 12 hours of school a day and when they get home at 7 or 8 at night its 3 hours of homework or practice before bed. Where is the quality family time in that? They eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at school except on weekends, even then they probably eat at the various training schools they go to. I believe it is too much. This was nailed on the head for me last week during the kids final exams for the semester. One of my favourite students from my grade 4 class came up to me with red scars and bruises all over his face. When I asked him what happened he said his father hit him to make sure he got over 95% on all his tests. And this is one of the smartest kids in that class. This seems like its quite commonplace here. And I don't like it one bit.

As crazy as that all sounds there are many good things about China. I'm still here aren't I? There's just something about being here that's hard to explain in words. It's definitely a love/hate relationship and I'll write about some of the more positive aspects of China in the future. But let me update you all a bit on recent events.

I had a great weekend, I finally experienced a truly Chinese night out on Friday when I was invited by Christian to come out with all his chinese friends. See, while we have all been hanging out with each other on weekends, Christian has gone out and made a lot of chinese friends. Ones that speak decent english, no doubt. Which are hard to come by.
We all went to the roller skating place again. It took me awhile to get used to, but everyone there holds hands. Guys in the chinese group would come up to me and hold my hand while I skated. Which years of hanging out with dudes back home told me was a definite no no. Then, Chinese girls would also come up and hold my hand while I skated. Which years of being around women, told me it was time to throw on the old charm (and fail). Alas, Neither was the case. This is just normal here.
Afterwards, we all went to a typical Chinese barbeque, where we got every type of animal known to man barbequed on a stick. I ate cartilage and intestine for the first time. That was interesting. Then me and Shane, being the canadian men we are, decided to challenge the chinese guys to a beer chugging competition. Let me remind you that Chinese beer is 2.5%, so let's just say we destroyed them.
This all backfired when we noticed all the guys were then quite drunk. Apparently drinking 3 beers in China is a big deal. And if you all remember the last time I was at dinner with drunk chinese men you can imagine how it went from there. Next thing I knew I was driving someones car through the city to a KTV (karaoke) bar. If you also recall what I have written about chinese driving you can imagine my fear. But don't worry mother I only almost got hit by a van once and slightly crashed while parking. Just a dented license plate. No big deal.
About half an hour later I was standing on a couch with two beers in my hand singing Bon Jovi to a room of chinese people. How do you hold a microphone and two beers at once you ask? Easy! You hang the mic from the ceiling.
Chinese karaoke is very different from our karaoke. You basically get a room with a big TV, a couch and a table. You all just take turns selecting songs and sing to each other. It was strange at first but once i got into it I was singing backstreet boys and at the same time wondering where my dignity went.
After getting home at 5am, I woke up the next day and started to prepare for my show. Me and Shane were performing for our second time at the Toucan.

I'm really starting to like this bar. And I think they are taking a liking to us as well. We've played there twice now and every time we do they keep offering us more. We are now booked every second weekend as well as get free food and beer. They also booked us St. Pattys day, which will be ridiculous considering the Toucan is the only Irish Pub in the entire Hubei province. It's such an escape from China being there. You walk in and you could very well be at any pub in Ottawa. They have real beer and real food. I convinced them to make me poutine and we are in talks about getting hockey games played as well.
On saturday we invited all the chinese friends out from the night before and showed them a western style party. Heres a video taken by one of the chinese girls of me and Shane introducing Canadian east coast music to the Chinese populace.

http://www.56.com/u32/v_NTc4NDU4NTM.html

Anyways, now here I am all alone in the building. All the other teachers have already left for their holidays and I don't fly out until Thursday. I'm getting pretty anxious to leave, my bags are pretty much already packed and i've been pacing my room all day. Also, I was sleeping the other night and my bed decided to break. Actually more like implode. It sent me crashing to the floor and as you can imagine it was quite the way to be woken up. Once again, this sort of thing only happens to me.
So I am now sleeping on the floor.
I'm not going to have my laptop with my on my trip so after Thursday I won't be able to update this for a month. But I think i'm going to take my notebook with me and try to keep a written journal of the trip. I'll just type it all up when I get back. I think that might be better than me just trying to remember everything like on my trip to Beijing/Shanghai.
Anyways, i'll write again before I leave.

Good bye!
在见！
ลาก่อน!

a Chinese Christmas

Ni hao foreigners,
Just finished marking two of my classes and i finally have some free time so I have decided to update everyone on my Christmas adventures in Wuhan.
First of all the Chinese really don't celebrate christmas so the schools were still open but our school was nice enough to give us friday-monday off to celebrate.
And celebrate we did.

Thursday:
I taught my usual classes in the morning and then was told all the teachers were supposed to meet at the main school afterwards for a performance. The big show that is next month had its final showing for all the principals and directors so Super MJ Dance Team all piled onto a bus and headed over there as well. I was very nervous for them as we have not been practicing lately because the school either fails to give me proper equipment or enough space to have a proper practice.
I arrived fashionably late with another teacher and sat down to watch some of the other schools performances.
There were dancers, singers and actors. I was happily treated to a performance of some disney movies. They put up scenes from Lion King, Beauty and the Beast and Shrek and had the kids acting them out or doing voice overs for the movies. It was hilarious.
After a few performances it was Super MJ Dance Team's time to go up and finally show everyone what they can do.
I sat there biting my lip hoping for the best. But turns out I didn't have to worry because they performed it almost flawlessly. It was amazed and apparently so were everyone else. I had people come up to me after saying it was the best performance of the show.
I really never thought i'd pull it off. It was all them.

After the show, we were told that all the teachers were going to be taken out for a christmas dinner. We walked on through rundown, dirty Chinese allies and in the middle of all of this strangely there was this very nice, fancy restaurant where we had a private room waiting. We all piled in and I somehow got placed at the table with all the chinese men. There was Nemo, Mr. Li (the boss of the foreign department) and Mr. Ye (the big boss of all the schools) as well as our driver who is a scary, beast-like man. I thought this would be the lame table as everyone else would all be drinking and talking at the other tables.
I didn't realize how unbelievably wrong that was.
Almost immediately we were brought out 5 boxes of red wine and a large amount of beer. The food came and we picked through the various Chinese dishes which were actually pretty amazing. So far pretty normal little gathering.
But then came the Bai Jiu. Oh yes, the Bai Jiu. This drink will destroy you. I believe i've mentioned it before, It's about 45% alcohol and takes and smells like something I cannot describe. It's one of those alcohol's that leaves a taste in your mouth for days after and makes you cringe at the smell or thought of it.
But these Chinese men weren't messing around.
Mr. Ye began to poor full glasses of this stuff and giving it to the other chinese men. As well as me and Shane, the only other men at the tables. It seemed custom that the females were not allowed to drink it but I didn't ask why. Nemo looked at me terrified and begged me to take some more of his full glass. You can tell he was only drinking because he had to do what his bosses told him and it would be disrespectful not to. I felt the same way. This is when things started to go downhill.
Flash forward about an hour.
Everyone had congregated at our table now and were taking drinks with all the bosses, who were loaded out of there minds. They brought out another few bottles of Bai Jiu, a bottle of Jin Jiu, another box of wine and a whole crate of $60 cigarettes. It was utterly insane. Everyone was yelling and hugging. Mr. Ye stood up on a chair and yelled "MR.................... YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAA!!!" and cheersed all the foreign teachers. The next time I looked back at him he was on the floor passed out. One of the other chinese teachers who I don't think had ever even drank before was stumbling around with two cigarettes in his mouth, smiling and speaking nonsense. Nemo was pounding shots and laughing maniacally.
Well this got out of hand quickly, I thought. We all left after that. At least I think we did. Because like I said, I partook in the Bai Jiu fest as well. Last I remember we were sitting on a couch outside the corner store we usually go to singing at the top of our lungs. I somehow also got my hands on a guitar in all this.
I woke up the next morning with a bump on my head and the worst hangover I've ever had in my life. Who would have thought that beer, red wine, Bai Jiu, Jin Jiu and Chinese food all mixed together well.

Friday (Christmas Eve)
Consider it erased from my life. I lied in bed for like 10 hours then finally got up and went to Mcdonalds. I had a fantastic, heart-warming Christmas Eve feast of a chicken sandwich and fries, which I ate alone in my room. Merry Christmas to me.

Saturday:
All the teachers woke up relatively early and decided we were going to cook a huge breakfast. Some of the other teachers had went out the night before and bought a GIANT brick of cheese, bacon and sausages. We just needed potatoes and eggs so we went out to the supermarket as well as a christmas morning hunt for Baileys.
The baileys was unsuccessful, but at the supermarket one of the butchers seemed to have a "dog special" on at the time. Just in time for the holidays, how lovely. Sitting there on the counter in front of me was a decapitated dogs head, freshly cut, eyes staring at you. This was definitely one of the more disturbing things i've seen first thing christmas morning in my life. Way to go China.
I shook that off quickly as we all sat down for an amazing breakfast. Me and Bobby, being the manly chefs we are, took control of the kitchen downstairs and cooked for a good hour. They gave us the keys to the eating room and we all sat around the big table, cracked some beers at 11am, cheersed to our new family and gave thanks for the wonderful meal we had. Appreciating it once again so much more. I will never take a good breakfast for granted again.
After that we all played a big game of basketball and I came back earlier to get ready for my second big meal of the day. All the teachers at the Xudong school were having a big late lunch at a place called the Toucan. I rushed over there and enjoyed a massive turkey dinner, barely able to get it all in after the breakfast I had.
The Toucan is the only Irish pub in Wuhan. They had real Guiness on tap and a nice stage set up in the corner, where a guy was trying to get set up to play but seemed to be having trouble. He asked people in the audience if anyone could play guitar to do a soundcheck for him. My friends shoved me up there and I played a bit, then he asked if i could also sing a bit to check the mics. I play like 20 seconds of a Neil Young song and the next thing I know the owner comes over and tells me to keep playing. He wanted me to take half the guys set. I refused but everyone seemed to force me into it. Somehow, I ended up doing a whole set and the owner asked me to play there again next month.
Just when I thought the fun was ending we all went out to a roller skating bar. Flashback to the 70's. I didn't think these things still existed. I had a great time though, I picked it up quickly and was bombing around the place, knocking over many chinese people. I even showed someone what a proper body check was.
Later we went on to Wuhan prison where I got into the Absinthe again and after that I went to Vox where I danced for a good hour.
What a day. I went to bed exhausted and satisfied.

Sunday:
Essentially another write-off day

Monday:
We woke up and decided to have another massive breakfast and enjoyed our last day off

So it's Tuesday now and i'm back to teaching. All my students told me they missed me today and cheered as I walked into the classroom. As hard as it was to spend my first christmas away from my family and friends all the people here as well as my students really made all the difference in the world. I now have New Years to look forward to and then 3 weeks in which I am going to begin preparing to go to Thailand.
I already picked up a few words of Thai. Which turns out is even more rediculous than Chinese
Sawaatdiikhrap!
Corey

Sheng Dan Kuai Le!

Hello friends and family!
For those who don't know already "Sheng Dan Kuai Le" is Merry Christmas in Chinese. It literally translates to "Holy Birth Happy!" which sounds mildly neanderthal but so do most literal translations of chinese words into english. "Ni Hao" (Hello) for example translates into "You, Good."

Other hilarities of the chinese language which i find amusing is the word they use for thinking. When we talk we usually throw the word umm, uhhh or likeeee and hold it a bit while we think of whatever we're going to say next. The Chinese have a word they use for that too, its "ne ge." That might look perfectly normal to you english folk but in chinese it is pronounced "nigga." Which, as you can imagine, caused some concern for me the first time i heard it. One day a student wanted to get my attention and proceeded to call out "nigga.. teacha!" and my eyes widened in shock. Now some of the teachers have already been complaining that my students come up to them and props them and say "whats up homie" (so glad i taught them that!) so I thought maybe one kid did his research and took it to the next level. But then I started hearing it everywhere. On the bus, at restaurants and in shops. I had a Chinese teacher explain to me what it meant, but still, nothing compares to a 6 year old kid dropping N-Bombs all up in here.

Another funny moment that happened last week had to do with a funny translation one of the students made. Nemo has started a new thing where, before each class starts, a different student must do a short 2 minute power point presentation about something to do with western culture. The problem is that they decide to use translators for them. One girl was doing her presentation on western dessert food and included a roughly translated recipe for making a cake. As she was reading out the ingredients I noticed one of them said 1 cup of breast milk. Standing in the back of the class I burst out into laughter and tried to contain myself. No one seemed to understand why i was laughing. After the presentation was over I asked Nemo or the class if they knew why I was laughing and why breast milk was so funny. Apparently not even Nemo knew what that meant.
Well this will be fun to explain I thought.
I cupped my hands at my chest and said "you know, milk from woman"
The whole class went nuts.
By the way the Chinese word for womens breasts is "nai nai." a word I enjoy saying out loud for some reason. Something about how it rolls off the tongue.

Anyways, It's been quite awhile now since I wrote a blog. I sincerely apologize to anyone following it as I've been either too busy or too lazy. This month has been strange and interesting so far. On monday I woke up and was informed by Nemo that I would be saying the sentence of the week on the morning announcements. Once a week a different english teacher makes a new sentence and teaches it to the school while a Chinese teacher translates for them. I had not gone yet so this week was my turn. To add to the excitement, I was told It would be a special one this week because it was christmas. I would be teaching Merry Christmas but also translating for myself as well as wishing all the students and teachers a merry christmas in chinese. Also, announcements would be held outside in the field and I would be on a podium in front of the whole school again. Memories from fuzzy panda kill robot good day started to creep in as I woke up after only a few hours of sleep the night before and made my way downstairs.
Nemo sat me down and said "must practice, have 5 minutes."
Thinking still that I was just going to have to say Merry Christmas In english and Chinese, I told him it was no problem.
But then he explained the rest I was going to say.
"Wo zhu xiao peng you men he lao shi men sheng dan kuai le" meaning "I wish students and teachers a merry christmas"
was what Nemo said I would have to say. I was barely awake, yet let alone ready to be memorizing crazy chinese phrases to say in front of the entire school.
I repeated it a few times then made my way outside to where the entire school was waiting. Oh boy. This was going to be interesting.
Then, by some Christmas miracle, I got up on that stage and spoke perfect Chinese and was applauded by everyone. I guess being around the Chinese language for the last 5 months has paid off and i'm becoming more comfortable speaking it. All day my students were high-fiving me and saying "Corey! I see you morning! you Chinese very good!" I ignored the grammatical errors and thanked them. I worked the rest of the day and took a much needed nap. The night before had been equally interesting.

On sunday night, me, Chris and Shane were invited by the owner of the Wuhan Prison to play at some festival in Hangyang. We practiced up 4 crappy cover songs and headed there not knowing what to expect. We had no idea how big or what kind of festival this was, but we were totally unprepared for what would ensue.
We were met by the guy who set it all up and taken through the festival, which was in a big dark park. There were the craziest, brightest lights i've ever seen seperated by long patches of dark forest. It was very strange. We walked through the first forest part in the dark and first walked by a man on stilts, a small clown, a man dressed as a sheep, snow white and the most terrifying attempt at a batman costume i've ever seen. Now the lights, dark forest, strange costumed people and overall situation made us start believe we had been slipped some sort of hallucinogen. When we finally got to the stage we were equally confused and slightly scared. The stage was off from the festival surrounded by forest, with many bright flashing lights and a small patch in front of the stage with giant animals dancing with eachother. Not like halloween costumes, i mean mascot-sized costumes.
Picture a bunch of mascots dancing in the middle of a dark chinese forest with strange flashing lights and you get the general idea. We waited on the side of the stage and watched the show in confusion for a bit and prepared our things to go on and play.
As the band that was playing winded down all the mascots/costumed people left, along with all the people that were there with them. So now there was a lone chinese band playing to no one and we were supposed to be on next. You could literally hear crickets. Well in China its actually dogs being slaughtered off in the distance but same idea.
They pulled the guy who booked us off to the side of the stage and shortly after we were informed that the show was cancelled because no one was there anymore. We were then given 100kuai each and sent packing. Stepping out of the festival, we all walked on and wondered exactly what the hell just happened.
once again, China is a strange place.

Besides all the strangeness that has been happening this month two amazing things have happened:
1. I booked my trip to Thailand for Chinese New Year/Spring Festival
2. I found a Subway in Wuhan

I had heard only rumours of the first subway restaurant opening up in Wuhan recently and after doing research I decided to head over there one day after a class I was teaching near the area. Its about a 45 minute cab ride away from where I live but worth every Chinese RMB stashed in my nightstand. I ate it in ecstasy and bought 2 more to take home with me. I'm probably going to make a trip there once a week for sanity purposes. Rice is really starting to drive me mental.
From January 20th-February 5th I will be travelling in Thailand. I have alot to prepare for the trip including learning some basic Thai, which is even more ridiculous than chinese. But i've looked up itineraries and I will be visiting massive old buddhist temples,hiking through jungles, staying in small mountain villages, riding elephants, exploring caves and lying on some of the nicest beaches in the world. You have no idea how excited I am to have an opportunity to do something like this in my life. I want to thank my Dad again for helping me to book my flight there, which was only $386 US for the return trip.
I have a lot to look forward to in the next little while it seems. Christmas will be hard without family and friends but know that I am thinking about you all and miss you very much.
The teachers here are all going out for a nice big dinner again and exchanging presents on saturday and we also get 4 days off work. Happy times.
I will try update my blog more often and I also hope to buy a new camera soon to take more pictures, especially for my trip next month.
But until then Merry Christmas everyone!
Corey

the ups, the downs and the just plain crazy!

to kick things off, here's the moment everyone's been waiting for!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/coreyinchina/5222962749/

Good day far away friends,
I have a few things to update everyone on about my crazy life here in China. First as you can see Super MJ Dance Team™ is well on its way to stardom. I was only able to upload a small part of the dance, so unfortunately you miss the best part in the middle where I get them to jump around in a circle and pretend to stab each other in the chest with knives (this is not a joke! go watch the beat it video!)
On Tuesday this week I was well into teaching my second period grade 4 class when, bursting in, came two members of the Super MJ Dance Team™ out of breath from running across the schoolyard and up four flights of stairs to find me. Also, in their haste, they both failed to realize that I do not speak Chinese and their attempted message would be hard to relay.

"Hello, small portion of Super MJ Dance Team™." I said to them as they entered the classroom.

"Relax. Breathe. What message do you bring from afar, oh young ones?"

"Dance. Principal. Michael Jackson. Corey. Oh my Gaga! Come now!"
A short note: I don't know how it started but when I first started teaching the kids would all say "Oh my god!" once in awhile when I did something crazy or gave them alot of homework. But somehow it then morphed into "Oh my Lady Gaga!" and now it has shortened to "Oh my Gaga!" They all say this all the time and it boggles my mind as well as amuses me. Back to the story...

"Oh my Gaga!" I replied. And told my co-teacher that I must leave immediately and she would have to take over the rest of the class.
The principal of our school, the principal of the main school, the headmaster, my boss and two incredibly cute dance teachers were all coming to see my progress on our performance and decide if they will put funding into it or not. We were not even remotely prepared for this. I had just taught them one other part of the dance the day before and haven't even started on the musicians yet.

I raced across the schoolyard with the two messengers and yelled "Super MJ Dance Team™ ASSEMBLE!" ran up to my room, grabbed my guitar and Joes bass he's lending me and ran down to our practice room. Nemo was waiting for me at the door and seemed equally stressed out about the situation. I told him thank you for the wonderful surprise and he proclaimed he had no idea this was happening either. We both walked in the room to see them all sitting there, headmaster smoking a cigarette (in an elementary school.. what a baller) and Super MJ Dance Team™ ready to rock.
I told them we hadn't practiced it all together yet and we're not even close to finished but they said to just do each part separately. OK then. I pulled up a chair and played through my part on my acoustic guitar, while a few of them sang. So far not bad.
After trying to impress the dance teachers with my Beat it guitar playing skills we all moved on to the main dance. It went well, besides the part in the middle they had just learnt where I was running around telling them to pretend to fight each other. They all seemed relatively satisfied with the performance and proceeded to hash out the equipment details and everything with me. Mr Li handed me a smoke and, after the fourth time trying to explain I don't smoke in elementary schools nor in front of my children, they all left.
I breathed a sigh of relief. That wasn't so bad.

Later on that day I walked in to teach my grade 5 class and noticed they had all drawn pictures of snowmen and posted them all over the classroom. How cute I thought, until upon further inspection:
One snowman was holding a handgun with a happy smile on his face and kids playing all around him.
One snowman was shooting other snowmen.
One snowman was shooting a man in the face.
One snowman was shooting Michael Jackson.
One snowman was strapped to the teeth like Rambo.
One snowman was shooting fire out of his hands and burning an entire village.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE CHILDREN! This kind of thing would never fly in my elementary school. Or any in Canada for that matter. I brought Nemo over and asked If this was okay. He said his usual "Is good!" and I stood there in wonder. Something about the whole scene seemed both totally wrong and totally awesome at the same time. Oh yes, I remembered, I'm in China. I realized this wasn't so bad. If I had been allowed back in the day I would have drawn guns on everything I made at school. That's just how boys are. It seems in Chinese schools the teachers don't have much of a problem letting children draw or act out that kind of thing. I've even jumped on the band wagon and gotten into the habit of shooting my kids once in awhile. They all do a fantastic fake death. I even walked in the classroom with a gun to a kids head once and told them all to stay back, afterwards I shot the kid and then offed myself. They all laughed hysterically, including Nemo.
What a strange, strange country this is.

Now for the good times. Last Thursday all the teachers planned to celebrate American Thanksgiving at a restaurant called Aloha. The school was even nice enough to provide us with a driver to take us there. We all met at the main school and then hopped in a van for an hour trip into Hangyang, a part of the city I have not been to yet.
Hanyang is the industrial part of town it seems and the main streets are lined with car dealerships and small factories. Packed in with all that is a very large foreign population, international schools and westernized restaurants. Many families whose parents work in industry live there and I saw my first child walking around in quite awhile who wasn't asian. We pulled up to the area and I bolted out of the van excitedly. On the water there was a big pirate ship. Amused easily, I ran over to find that it was an old restaurant on the water that had been closed down recently. There would be no pirating for me today. We then found a giant life sized chess game and my disappointment over the pirate ship quickly faded. A few of us played a quick game and then went into Aloha for our meal.

This place was amazing. It was owned by two americans who both greeted us at the door and informed us that we would all be leaving there with full bellies. We had appetizers and wine to start. Things wrapped in bacon and pastry with cream cheese, I was in heaven already and had to stop myself from filling up before the actual meal came.
And what a meal it was. Real turkey imported from America (there are no turkeys in China) real gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberries, vegetables in this cheese sauce. I almost cried to be honest.
We made a toast to good friends and good food as well as being thankful for all the times like these, while we're all so far from home and our families. I have always been appreciative of those things but this was something new. We were like a little family. I ate with a smile on my face, packed up some pumpkin pie and went home to a deep sleep, one of those after-turkey sleeps.
amazing.

Now no good moment here goes without out a sudden awakening, with China suddenly bursting back to reality. This happened, quite literally, to me Saturday morning.
I had spent the night at another teachers house. After I work my teaching job Friday night over there I usually go hang out with some of the teachers who live in that area and then just crash there.
I awoke to the sound of machine guns.
Or at least I thought it was machine guns. Only after jumping terrified off my futon and wiping away the sleep haze did I finally realize they were just fireworks. But not nice colourful kind in the sky, the ones you set off at ground level that just make alot of noise and sound like machine guns. I'm all for random explosives I thought, but then looked at the time: 7am. What in the hell was someone setting fireworks off for at 7am? Just when I thought they had ended, out of nowhere the amplified sound of an orchestra blasted through the area. I was unsure if it was a real orchestra or just some guy with a giant speaker but I really didn't care. The song played for about 1 minute and then as soon as it reached the closing crescendo came another round of fireworks. Okay, that was odd. I thought.
But then it repeated again, and again, and again. On it went throughout the morning. An orchestral song followed by loud, gunshot like fireworks. All starting at the wonderful hour of 7am on a Saturday. What's wrong with these people? I was confused and enraged beyond belief.
I asked Lyndley if she possessed a sniper rifle but alas, she did not.

I never did find out what that was all about but it ruined my day. You see China is always sort of in the middle with everything. So many great, wonderful, cultural things about it and then it all ruins your day with one asshole with fireworks, or one guy pushing you to the ground on a bus or cars flying in all directions in a traffic nightmare. Some things I think are improved and innovative while others are completely backwards and just plain crazy. I try to just take everything in the best I can and just realize it's all an adventure. Good or bad, up or down.